Do we have a Joke Thread here?

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Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Postby Maine Pilot » Fri Sep 20, 2019 8:54 am

Late one night, a mugger jumped into the path of a well dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money", he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money!"
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
Maine Pilot
 
Posts: 317
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 6:39 am

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Postby Maine Pilot » Thu Sep 26, 2019 9:08 am

A man asked his wife "What would you do if I won the Lottery?"

She replied: "I'd take half and leave you!"

"Great" he said. "I won $12. "Here's $6. Stay in touch."
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
Maine Pilot
 
Posts: 317
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 6:39 am

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Postby Maine Pilot » Sat Oct 05, 2019 9:36 am

Seven retired Italian Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other six continue playing, but standing up.
At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?"
They cut the cards. Pasquale picks the low card and has to carry the news.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me!"

So, Pasquale goes over to the Guido's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?

Pasquale declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Pasquale.
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
Maine Pilot
 
Posts: 317
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 6:39 am

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Postby Maine Pilot » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:13 pm

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial as it strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surfaces, like a grass path.
"Gentlemen, remember, you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right, if she carries a golf bag?
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
Maine Pilot
 
Posts: 317
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 6:39 am

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