--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the Rodney Dangerfield file:
* My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night,
she used me to time an egg.
* It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the
lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
* Last night, my wife met me at the front door. She was
wearing a sexy negligee. Trouble was, she was coming home.
* A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody
home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
* A hooker once told me she had a headache.
* I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
* If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
* I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said,
'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said,
'No, I hate myself now.'
* I knew a girl so ugly, she was known as a two-bagger.
That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag
over her head comes off.
* I knew a girl so ugly..... they use her in prisons to cure sex
offenders.
* My wife is such a bad cook; if we leave dental floss in the
kitchen, the roaches hang themselves.
* I'm so ugly, I stuck my head out the window and got
arrested for mooning.
* The other day, I came home and a guy was jogging, naked.
I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
* My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
* I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on, I can
hear the Fruit-of -the-Loom guys giggling.
* My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the
meal.
* My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called
me from Chicago last night.
* My family was so poor that, if I hadn't been born a boy, I
wouldn't have had anything to play with.
Do we have a Joke Thread here?
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Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
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Jims65cyclone
- Posts: 2764
- Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 10:29 pm
- Location: Lexington, SC
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop,
a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on,
she became aware that her skirt was too tight
to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step
only to discover she still couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed,
she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time she attempted the step,
and once again, much to her chagrin,
she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver,
she again reached behind to unzip a little more
and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and
placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched,
“How dare you touch my body!
I don't even know who you are!”
The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”
a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on,
she became aware that her skirt was too tight
to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver,
she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step
only to discover she still couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed,
she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time she attempted the step,
and once again, much to her chagrin,
she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver,
she again reached behind to unzip a little more
and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and
placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched,
“How dare you touch my body!
I don't even know who you are!”
The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”
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Jims65cyclone
- Posts: 2764
- Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 10:29 pm
- Location: Lexington, SC
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.
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Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. 'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.. He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets............M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well
dear, what was it like being twelve again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you idiot!
Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. 'I'd like to be twelve again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Alton Towers theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.. He then took her to a Mc Donald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets............M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well
dear, what was it like being twelve again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you idiot!
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
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Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
A driver is stuck in traffic on the Capital Beltway in DC, nothing is moving. After a while, a man comes up and knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks what is going on.
The other man said," Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking a 10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, the terrorists say they'll douse all the congressmen in gasoline and light it up. We're going car to car, taking donations."
Driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
Other guy says, "One to five gallons, usually."
The driver rolls down his window and asks what is going on.
The other man said," Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking a 10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, the terrorists say they'll douse all the congressmen in gasoline and light it up. We're going car to car, taking donations."
Driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
Other guy says, "One to five gallons, usually."
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
-
Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
__________________
Exercise makes you look better naked. So does whiskey.
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
__________________
Exercise makes you look better naked. So does whiskey.
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
-
Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A+.
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A+.
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
-
Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied
The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."
After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"
She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied
The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."
After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"
She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
-
Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
I know it's late notice, but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl in Minneapolis at the new U. S. Bank Stadium
on Sunday, February 4th. They are box seats and he paid $3,500 per ticket, which includes the ride to and from the airport,
lunch, dinner, a $400.00 bar tab and a pass to the winners locker room after the game. What he didn't realize when he
bought them last year was that it's on the same day as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at St. Paul's Catholic Church at 3 p.m. Her name is Ashley.
She's 5'4", about 115 pounds, a good cook, loves to fish and hunt and will clean your truck. She'll be the one in the white dress.
on Sunday, February 4th. They are box seats and he paid $3,500 per ticket, which includes the ride to and from the airport,
lunch, dinner, a $400.00 bar tab and a pass to the winners locker room after the game. What he didn't realize when he
bought them last year was that it's on the same day as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at St. Paul's Catholic Church at 3 p.m. Her name is Ashley.
She's 5'4", about 115 pounds, a good cook, loves to fish and hunt and will clean your truck. She'll be the one in the white dress.
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
-
Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
-
Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel combination is $20, but the Duck Call is $11 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50."
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel combination is $20, but the Duck Call is $11 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50."
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes" he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You are a Disabled Veteran; you've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says."For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes" he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You are a Disabled Veteran; you've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says."For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
"I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains,..enough with the floods already..."
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of drought and flooding rains,..enough with the floods already..."
-
Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park
every day to feed the pigeons, watch the
squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't show up.
Sam didn't think much about it and figured
maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week
or so, Sam really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got
together was at the park, Sam didn't know
where Russ lived, so he was unable to find
out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured
he had seen the last of Russ, but one day,
Sam approached the park and--
lo and behold!--there sat Russ!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him
and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ,
what in the world happened to you?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue,
that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her.
What about her?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges
against me; and, at 89 years old,
I was so proud that when I got into court,
I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
every day to feed the pigeons, watch the
squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't show up.
Sam didn't think much about it and figured
maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week
or so, Sam really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got
together was at the park, Sam didn't know
where Russ lived, so he was unable to find
out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured
he had seen the last of Russ, but one day,
Sam approached the park and--
lo and behold!--there sat Russ!
Sam was very excited and happy to see him
and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ,
what in the world happened to you?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue,
that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her.
What about her?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges
against me; and, at 89 years old,
I was so proud that when I got into court,
I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
-
Maine Pilot
- Posts: 493
- Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:39 am
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving after a "social session" with friends.
Well, this past Wednesday, I was out on a pre-Thanksgiving evening with friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by a handful of glasses of vintage red wine. Despite the jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the freeway but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was both a great relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from and, now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do
Well, this past Wednesday, I was out on a pre-Thanksgiving evening with friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by a handful of glasses of vintage red wine. Despite the jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the freeway but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was both a great relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from and, now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else
Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
when I started reading this ,I was pattin you on the back and giving thumbs up,,,then got to the endMaine Pilot wrote:With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving after a "social session" with friends.
Well, this past Wednesday, I was out on a pre-Thanksgiving evening with friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by a handful of glasses of vintage red wine. Despite the jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the freeway but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was both a great relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from and, now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do
now I wonder why I even read it 
hope you had and will have safe holidays ahead 
..pop
pop/glenda