Search found 451 matches

by Maine Pilot
Wed Jan 11, 2023 2:32 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

So an old friend called and asked if she could borrow $400 to help her pay her rent. I told her to give me a minute and let me check my account and I'll call right back. Before I could check my funds, my other friend called and said, "Don’t give her any money because she's lying." She then proceeded...
by Maine Pilot
Mon Dec 12, 2022 12:57 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

The driver of a Semi Truck lost control of his rig, and plowed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces. Shortly after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a cre...
by Maine Pilot
Thu Nov 24, 2022 8:11 am
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Noah opens up the ark and let all the animals out, announcing to them all to follow God's command and "Go forth, be fruitful and multiply." He's about to close the great doors of the ark when he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner and not making a move to leave. So he says to ...
by Maine Pilot
Tue Nov 22, 2022 6:17 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

A blind cowboy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a blonde joke. The lady next to him at the bar quickly speaks up and says "Well Mr. Blind Cowboy, the bartender has blonde hair and is also our bouncer, the guy on the other side of you has blonde hair and is a pro wrestler, ...
by Maine Pilot
Thu Nov 17, 2022 3:51 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

I just arrived at the airport on a flight from Chicago and there’s a woman passed out on the baggage carousel! The good news - she’s coming around. My dog ate a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. So, I took him to the vet. No word yet. I got fired from the calendar factory. Don't know why — all I did was ...
by Maine Pilot
Sun Nov 06, 2022 7:08 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

A young gal bought a new Mercedes and she couldn't drive it at night. She called the dealer and customer adviser came to her home. She said she never had a shifter on the console. He asked her exactly what she was doing, if I put the shifter in D and it works fine, but when I put the shifter in N fo...
by Maine Pilot
Thu Nov 03, 2022 1:08 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a nega...
by Maine Pilot
Fri Oct 28, 2022 9:22 am
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to ...
by Maine Pilot
Wed Oct 26, 2022 10:52 am
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Two caterpillars are escaping a spider... They climb up a small branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped. "Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar, and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and steers the branch...
by Maine Pilot
Thu Oct 20, 2022 10:11 am
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

An old lady walked into a pet store, found a parrot and asked the owner if she could buy it. The owner said, “Heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me – you do not want that parrot!” She said, “I can teach it good manners.” But, when she got home the parrot said a bad word, so she put it in th...
by Maine Pilot
Mon Oct 10, 2022 11:30 am
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

A buddy of mine works for the street dept. and just got busted for stealing. I didn't want to believe it, but when I went over to his house I saw the signs everywhere. What did the little mathematical acorn say when he grew up? "Gee, I'm a tree!" (Ge-om-e-try). A buddy of mine works for the street d...
by Maine Pilot
Thu Oct 06, 2022 8:25 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Math Jokes: 1. Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper? She’s definitely plotting something. 2. Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? Because they’ll never meet. 3. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula. 4. Why are obtuse angles so depres...
by Maine Pilot
Mon Sep 26, 2022 12:19 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

To those of us in our senior years ... Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to respond, had ...
by Maine Pilot
Thu Sep 22, 2022 4:06 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

My wife told me she didn't understand the science behind cloning. I replied, "That makes two of us." The English Language is weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought though. I think my wife has been putting superglue on my water gun collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my ...
by Maine Pilot
Sat Sep 17, 2022 2:37 pm
Forum: Comet Lounge
Topic: Do we have a Joke Thread here?
Replies: 619
Views: 111597

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

A blond enters an auto parts store and asks, "Do you have a longer dip stick for my car? This one isn't long enough to reach the oil."