Do we have a Joke Thread here?

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Maine Pilot
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:39 am

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Maine Pilot »

I just arrived at the airport on a flight from Chicago and there’s a woman passed out on the baggage carousel! The good news - she’s coming around.

My dog ate a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. So, I took him to the vet. No word yet.

I got fired from the calendar factory. Don't know why — all I did was take a day off.

Why did the can crusher quit her job? Because it was soda pressing.
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else

Maine Pilot
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:39 am

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Maine Pilot »

A blind cowboy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a blonde joke.

The lady next to him at the bar quickly speaks up and says "Well Mr. Blind Cowboy, the bartender has blonde hair and is also our bouncer, the guy on the other side of you has blonde hair and is a pro wrestler, and I'm a 175lb. woman with a black belt in Karate..... now are you sure you still want to tell a blonde joke?"

The blind cowboy thought for a few moments and replied: "Well I guess not....I don't want to spend the rest of the night trying to explain it."
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else

Maine Pilot
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:39 am

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Maine Pilot »

Noah opens up the ark and let all the animals out, announcing to them all to follow God's command and "Go forth, be fruitful and multiply."
He's about to close the great doors of the ark when he notices that there are two snakes sitting in a dark corner and not making a move to leave. So he says to them, "Didn't you hear me? You can go now. Go forth and multiply."
The snakes reply, "That command doesn't apply to us."
Noah shakes his head and asks why.
"We don't," said the snakes, "we're adders."
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else

Maine Pilot
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:39 am

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Maine Pilot »

The driver of a Semi Truck lost control of his rig, and plowed into an empty toll booth, smashing it to pieces. Shortly after the driver had reported the damage, he watched as a repair truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.

They picked up each broken piece of the wreckage and spread a creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

Astonishing! said the truck driver to the crew chief. “What was the white stuff you used to stick all the pieces together?”

"Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else

Maine Pilot
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:39 am

Re: Do we have a Joke Thread here?

Post by Maine Pilot »

So an old friend called and asked if she could borrow $400 to help her pay her rent. I told her to give me a minute and let me check my account and I'll call right back. Before I could check my funds, my other friend called and said, "Don’t give her any money because she's lying." She then proceeded to tell me that she wants to use that $400 to get her boyfriend out of jail because she wants to be with him for the holidays.

I thought about it and decided to go ahead and give her the $400. After all, it is Christmas time...

A couple hours later, I get a call from the county jail, and it was her. She sounded kind of mad and screamed at me asking- "Why did you give me counterfeit money?!"

I told her "So you and your boyfriend would be together for the holidays. Merry Christmas!!!"
My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen...and something else

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